Misty

newwww poemzerz

2008-01-15T23:33:00.000-06:00

New..just doesn't have a title yet

yeah...

it has a new style

if you've ever read an Ellen Hopkins book you'd understand

but hopefully you haven't

some purple

and drug use

but it kinda helps me understand addiction

and learn why i never want to get involved

lol

so anyway...read the untitled poem..

comment me

help me with a title

it's very short

boring

but kinda different

idk

you tell me

haha

so here it is..

finally.

Lying

Hiding

Running from the truth

Crying

Trying

But never succeeding

Lost

Afraid

Terrified of finding

Death

Life

I’m somewhere in between

Premonition

Intuition

Mine aren’t feeling very well

Needing

Wanting

Help from you

Begging

Pleading

For a savior

Forgetting

Losing

Everything I’ve worked for

Fading

Falling

Into the world

Becoming

Changing

I’m another mime

Unavoidable

Inevitable

Change is necessary to survive

Misunderstand

Reiterate

What I need of Him.

Find

Discover

The way I’ve changed

Remember

Decide

That He is what I need to survive

Love

Devotion

My God gives it to me

Understanding

Explanation

Opens my eyes

Beginning

Starting

To run the other way

Turning

Changing

Back to the One who loves me

Un-blinded

Un-muted

He gave me a voice

Determination

Dedication

From here on out

Never swaying

Love unchanging

To my Everlasting God!

~Amen

Saving Me!/Enough

2007-12-13T12:26:00.000-06:00

Saving Me

Let it fall, let it pour,

As I'm clinging to the floor.

I'm lost and alone,

I can't do this on my own.

Let it come down like rain,

As I'm clinging to my pain.

I'm scared to let go

I've fallen so low.

Let me drown in the storm.

I do not deserve to be adorned.

I'm not the same,

I hate the person I became.

Let it shower over me,

As I'm clinging to the key.

I'm afraid to open the door,

Even though it's saved me before.

Let the mercy come down!

As I'm embracing the crown!

He's the only one I believe.

His words will never deceive.

So bring on the grace

Even when I'm a disgrace.

I may try to run,

But that's when His work has only begun.

So seek me out, Oh God!

Do not leave me where I trod!

This world is too much for me.

Please, just set me free!

He finds where I hide

He leads where I ride

He lifts when I fall

He answers when I call

He searches what I seek

He strengthens when I'm weak

He dies because I sin

He lives to begin.

~Misty

Enough

My stomach isn't flat enough
My height isn't short enough
My voice isn't loud enough
My hair isn't long enough.

My eyes aren't big enough
My lips aren't pouty enough
My lashes aren't thick enough
My teeth aren't white enough.

My nose isn't small enough
My face isn't thin enough
My skin isn't tan enough
My waist isn't curved enough.

My arms aren't strong enough
My legs aren't cute enough
My hands aren't slim enough
My ears aren't pierced enough.

I've simply come to decide
That I've nothing to hide.
Nobody that has my trust
Can make me believe I'm pretty enough.

~Misty Farmer

so i've been writing a lot lately, it's probably all that's going to go on here for a while.
i really need feed back on these-even if it's just to tell me they suck, lol.

k, even though nobody reads my blog

2007-11-21T00:53:00.001-06:00

i'm going to post...

this is a poem i wrote, instead of doing an actual post
it kinda just came to me
because i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

Me

falling back to the world
slipping once again
i don't know how i got here
into these troubles i let in

i never should of let go
of the one who held me up
i never should of given in
to the world that gave me no luck

a desire for him is more than i can stand
i don't know how to go back
how do i seek him
when he knows what i lack?

my heart is so lost
my mind is too
my soul is all i have
and it doesn't know what to do

i don't even know who i am
but i know i'm not who i want to be
i'm afraid of living
i'm afraid of me

i'm searching for a way out
calling to him for peace
but i haven't heard a reply
and i've waited for weeks.

i can't help but wonder
has he let me go?
has he forgotten?
how am i to know?

i miss my God
i want to find him
before i get so lost
my heart's fire has gone dim

how do i go back
how do i become free
how do i let the world go
how do i be me?

<3 Misty

omg!!

2007-11-07T11:57:00.000-06:00

I JUST CAME UP WITH THE MOST AWESOME RECIPE FOR A SCRAMBLED EGG SANDWICH!!

INGREDIENTS:
2 EGGS
2 'PINCHES' SLAP YA MAMMA
2 'PINCHES' SALT
3 'PINCHES' SUGAR
1 TABLE SPOON HONEY MUSTARD

DIRECTIONS:
TURN HEAT ON STOVE TOP TO MEDIUM
CRACK BOTH EGGS INTO PAN
ADD ALL INGREDIENTS
STIR UNTIL THE EGGS ARE SCRAMBLED
**MUST DO IT THIS WAY-NOT IN A CUP**
DO NOT HARD SCRAMBLE-A LITTLE WET IS OK!!

PUT ON TOAST WITH MAYO AND/OR CHEESE AND ENJOY
:)

I'M A STINKIN GENIUS!!
LOL
I JUST HAD TO SHARE THAT

so like o.m.geeeez....

2007-10-31T23:06:00.000-05:00

welcome to by far the most random entry ever, enjoy

tonight i was able to go to refuge
and i got the holy spirit smack-down.
the title of the lesson was "fully committed"
and lately i know i haven't been committed to anything but feeling sorry for myself
by the end of the night i was crying and snoting and it was just awesome
i've been so tied up in thinking only about myself
and what i'm going to do
and how i'm going to get through it
i never once thanked everyone that had been there for me
and i had never once taken that step back to realize that i was being so caught up in myself
and that i was not going about my situation the right way at all
acting out
and cussing
and being the person i hated being
does not make anything better
how is anybody going to take me seriously if i act like that
i'm supposed to be a servant of God-but how can i convince anyone that my heart is there if i'm acting in an un-Godly way?
all i needed to know was that i was loved, and i thank tori, jordan, mrs. margret, mrs. paula, candice, blake, alex, jake, emily-just everyone-because you've helped me get through everything that's been keeping me down
just by telling me that you've been thinking about me
or praying for me
or that you're happy to see me
it makes me so happy-i know that someone cared enough to even mention it.
in the last year i've changed so much
and i love it
and it hurts so bad to think that i was slipping
but now to know that i've got some of the most awesome people in my corner
that Jesus somehow put there for me
knowing that i would need them for things like this
it's just awesome.

i was thinking earlier what if i had never gone to refuge that first time
what if i had never met tori
or gotten to know jordan
and gone to the closer christmas party
and met O.G. and mrs. paula
and blake and candice
there are so many what if's out there and without them make me terrified of who or where i would be today

i'm so happy right now that i'm being incredibly random and just full of thankfulness and thoughts that i don't know what to do. i could probably run laps around the anex right now.

i'll definitely keep you updated on what's going on with me
keep praying for me
and i'll always be praying for you

<3 Misty

soooo

2007-09-29T13:10:00.001-05:00

it's been over a month since i've posted
so i reckon it's about time
to update people that don't get to talk to me all the time about what's been going on in my life.
i've been allowed to go to church twice since july
which is way better than not at all
i'm always working
so there isn't really anything interesting going on in my life right now
except that i got a new puppy
and i'll have pictures of her up really soon
yes yes
she is a corgie
and incredibly cute!
that's about it for now
moucho love to my peoples

<3 Misty

AHHHHH!!!

2007-08-21T21:43:00.000-05:00

ok, so i've decided i'm pretty much awesome, hands down. i wrote an e-mail to my teacher in charge of the Fellowship of Christian Students club at school about some of my ideas for this next year. this is the message i wrote her:

Hey! I'm sorry this isn't going to be a formal letter. I just wanted to run a few ideas by you for FCS to participate in this year. The first thing that God has really put on my heart-and I personally feel it's not addressed enough-is abortion. There is a nation-wide event called "day of silence." You can read some about it at www.standtrue.com . It's really awesome. The whole point is "can you lose your voice for a day for those that will never have one?" I think it could be a good opportunity to show not only our rights of protest-but the ability to maybe change someone's heart. I know French Settlement from the student point of view, and I've been hearing about girls in my class getting abortions since the seventh grade. Maybe if we show them, by participating in this "activity" they will learn a new out look. The main thing I need is permission to do this-and I know it would be easier with someone on the faculty backing me up. Please pray about it and get back to me. Another thing I want to look into doing another one of my passions-one I picked up from being around Jordan Guitreau too long- is Africa. I know we can't go to Africa-even though that would be totally awesome if a high school Christian group did a mission trip-but I know it's not going to happen. I was thinking more along the lines of asking students to participate in something called "Children's Cup." It's an organization that helps the orphanages in Africa. You could go to the site and read some of the stories and see the pictures and understand why I'm so heart broken over it. I know we really can't do much with our limited resources, but I would like so see, seeing as how I know the founder of children's cup, if he could do me a favor. They have "change" the world cups. It's a cup that just has information on it and you put any spare change in it. That money gets turned in and goes to helping get food and medicine and clothes for the children in the orphanages in Africa. I know not very many people in French Settlement have money-but they don't have to participate if they don't want to. We can hand out the cups and if we don't see them again then at least we tried-but I really want to see our FCS students fired up about helping out the world we live in. And finally, my last idea, which I know is out of the box and completely unlikely-but I want to plan a small one day mission trip to serve breakfast and speak to the homeless people in New Orleans. I really think it could help open the eyes of the students that see homeless people as stupid people that deserve the life that they are living-but what most of them don't see is most of these people didn't choose to live this way. I think it would be an eye opener. Yes, I know we don't have money, but we could raise enough to get what we need. Car washes, bake sales, fund raising "activities", selling shirts...pretty much anything. This may even draw more people into FCS. I see it like this-all the other clubs get to do some kind of field trip during the year-why can't the Christians have one? This may be our chance to Stand Up, Stand Out, and Change the World. It's pretty much the saying I live by. Thanks for listening, and please pray about it and get back to me as soon as you can.

God bless,

Misty Farmer

then....this is what she wrote me back....

Hi, i am so happy to hear from you and hear what is on your heart. I can sense your enthusiasm and you have a lot of wonderful suggestions and ideas to help our club grow. That has been my prayer for years, for God to send me students that are committed to the calling and to give us creative outreaches to touch the people around us. We will start to meet next week. We will talk about all of this later. I just want you to know i love your ideas and we will see what we can do.

Bless you sweetie!!!!

Charlaine Whann
French Settlement High Science Teacher
Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man's behalf! Psalms 66:5

lets talk about stinkin score!!!!
i'm so pumped right now!!
AHHHHHHH
I'M SO HAPPY
ok, time to me to go to bed
g'night world!!

soooooo

2007-08-12T02:22:00.000-05:00

sorry that i haven't posted in like forever
i've been so busy
nothing has really changed
right now i'm working 6 days a week at a car dealership
but that's about to change because i'm going to be going crazy with that and school at the same time
and really other than that life has been extremely dull
my daily schedule is get up, shower, hair&makeup, dress, lunch, work, home, sleep, repeat.
that is my life
and my schedule as of monday is wake up even earlier that before, dressed for school, school, shower, hair&makeup, work, home, sleep, repeat.
how totally awesome is that??
no, not really
it's actually makes my days extremely long
and boring
hmmmmm
oh well
if anyone 17 or older needs a job
lemme know
i can hook you up with one making $7.50 an hour
sitting on your butt answering a phone
9-6 on saturdays
and fill in when i need a day off
and i do the same when you need a saturday off
whatever boats your float
but yep yep
like i said
lemme know if you're interested
i've gotta go to sleep-i have to get up early tomorrow
~Misty

Help

2007-07-25T03:32:00.001-05:00

can they tell I'm hurting
can they tell I'm sad
can they tell I'm sinking
can they tell I'm mad

will they try to save me
will they lift a hand
they will try to help me
but only if they can

can they tell I'm slipping
will they understand
I'm on my knees and crawling
unable to stand

I can feel it pulling
deeper and deeper I go
sliding away from Him
pulled by sin and woe

It took to long to leave
these depths I'd left behind
but now I'm falling back
I'm hurting and I'm blind

I've been cut away
from the life I had
and now I'm letting go
I'm letting him be glad

he'll never get me
and I've given up
it's so hard to change the heart
a father who's stuck

he can't tell he's hurting me
he doesn't have a clue
he thinks I'm rebelling
I really just don't know what to do

I've lost sight of what I wanted
and here I am still falling
I've given up hope
and just stopped stalling

I know what's going to happen
and I shouldn't kid myself
I know I'm nothing
without God's help

I'm too weak to ask
I'm to stubborn to try
I've almost given up
and now here I lie

crying tears of agony
crying tears of pain
nothing on the outside's been changed
it's inside that'll never be the same

I need His hands
I need His grace
I need to feel His presence
I need to touch His face

I plead and beg
I call out His name
I ask for forgivness
I ask for rid of shame

I ask Him here
to touch my soul
I ask Him here
to make me whole

I feel it pulling
but up i go
I no longer feel hurting
I no longer feel woe

I still need help
I still can't stand
but thanks to the one who strengthens me
I know one day I can

yep yep, so this is another poem i wrote
it relates to a lot of stuff that's been going on....

i'm happy-i got to go see everybody at closer tonight
which was pretty cool

JASON AND KHIRA-I'M VERY UPSET THAT YOU WEREN'T THERE
I GOT THERE RIGHT AS IT ENDED AND YOU WEREN'T THERE TO SAY HEY TO ME
AND ANNOY ME (THAT'S FOR JASON, haha)

anyway, it was still fun
and i hope i get to do it next week

love yall!!

slipping

2007-07-25T03:00:00.000-05:00

so, life's giving me a hard blow these last few weeks
my dad told me i'm not allowed to go back to healing place
ever
he told me africa was out of the question
and that i'm not allowed back in his house if i go
i love my dad
keep that in mind
but i'm so ticked off about what's going on
he and i talked one day about the church thing
and he told me that sunday was an obligation
that i had to go with him and mom
and that wednesday was not an obligation
that the bible just tells us to make sure we study his word
i think tori uses the words meditate and feeding your soul
which all mean the same thing
and that is what my family church does on wednesday
which is what i was doing at refuge and closer on wednesday and thursday nights
but i think that my dad is being hypocritical when he gives me the obligation speech
then a week later tells me i'm never allowed to go back
i'm sorry but i just don't get it
i'm told to obey my mom and dad
but how do i do that when i feel my dad has taken something away from me that i feel is too much a part of me to just simply be parted with it?
right now is when i feel like i need refuge the most
when i need God the most
and i know where i seek God doesn't matter
but something doesn't feel right doing it on my own in my bedroom
i want the worship band at refuge
i want the people around me that make me feel strong enough to be able to just pray
i don't know how to be who i've become without refuge and closer
and it really stinks to cry every time i think about never being allowed to go back
it's been 2 weeks because today will be my second wednesday not being able to go
and i'm mad
really stinkin mad
all i want is to be able to go back and listen to tweezy or mike hamon or t.o.
anybody
it's only been two weeks and i'm starting to not want to pray anymore
and i just cant help it
i lay in bed at night and say a small prayer for God to help me through this and cry
i want it to be over
like a bad dream
but every day i wake up and i'm still missing something
and i know what it is
but how do i get Him back without being able to go to the places where i found Him?

Wayne's Address

2007-07-12T23:02:00.001-05:00

wayne finally sent me a letter today from basic trainning! he told me to make sure to give his address out to everybody, so here it is:

Sr Kirkfield, Wayne
VIV, 227 Ship:05
REcruit Trainning Command
3301 Indiana St.Great Lakes, IL
60088

~Misty

............................

2007-07-11T13:24:00.000-05:00

How do we know that we are Christians?

We walk around every day telling people that God is in our lives, but is He really? Do we ever think of the things we do every day that glorify Him? When you skip church to go to the movies, when you decide to get on the computer instead of read your bible, when you go to the mall instead doing quiet time, when you spend your money on clothes that God looks at and is disgusted-how are we glorifying Him? He created this world, but man created his own version of it. A world that says if you're not a size two you're not beautiful. If you don't have amazing abs you're not handsome. A world that tells you that drugs and alcohol are okay-and doing them during school makes you cool. This world makes you think less of yourself. Teens commit suicide every day because they aren't up to what the world wants them to be. Why is this happening? It's not because God is not in their lives…it's because the God that they know is so sugar coated that they begin to think just because I go to church once a week, sit in the front, and listen to every word I'm saved. Going isn't what saves you. Raising your hands in worship isn't what saves you. Praying nice long wordy prayers aren't what saves you. Making your heart as pure as your mind is in that moment, that's what saves you. God can't control our hearts, if He could there would be no such thing as atheists…but God can look into our hearts and see where it is: if it's in the world, or if it's in His hands. We say we surrender our lives to God, but how much are we surrendering? When we say surrender in a war we mean ok, we are giving up, you win. When you surrender to God are you giving everything to Him? Are you giving your eyes to Him? Your ears to Him? Your thoughts to Him? What are you really giving Him? We are supposed to be giving it all, but do we really? How often do you go home from church and cuss at traffic the entire way? How often do we get home from church and turn on HBO and watch a movie that has impurity, drugs, and alcohol? We call ourselves Christians and we do or watch the very things that God finds disgusting. Why? To fit in with "the world" that man has made, not the world that God has made. This generation can be saved. Not saying "Lord Lord" but making everything, including where we walk, what we speak, what we hear, and who our hearts beat for-making these things for God and God alone-that's what will save this generation.

Matthew 7:13-29 (NIV)

¹³ "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. ¹⁵ "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.²¹ "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²²Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly,²³'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' ²⁴ "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

²⁸ When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, ²⁹ because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

ok, two posts in one night :)

2007-07-11T00:13:00.000-05:00

so i'm looking at different myspace pages...and i came across this video. i've seen it before, but this time it was harder for me to watch, and i don't even know why. it's really a moving thing to see, because it brings you out of what you're worrying about and makes you look at the big picture. go ahead and read my other blog first because i posted it like not five minutes before this one, but make sure to watch this video.
Moucho Love!
~Misty~

untitled poem

2007-07-11T00:03:00.000-05:00

so...this is an untitled poem i wrote a while back...so lemme know what you think of it :)

................................................................................

Eternal life is what we seek

Meeting as one every week

Praising, and giving it all to You

Because this is what You are due

We fall to our knees to be humble

And we promise never to stumble

The words we say may be strong

But they do not last in our hearts long

We leave this place

Into a world of disgrace

Corrupting our mind

Full of thoughts unkind

After a week we are back

Seeking what we lack

We beg for forgiveness from sin

And ask that we never let it win

And once again we return

To the world that will lead us to burn

We know what is right and wrong

And in the world we do not belong

So why do we slip?

Is what we say not catching the Father's grip?

You want a clean slate

Before it's too late

But what does your praise matter

If it's no more than meaningless chatter

Is it what's in your heart that you pray?

Or is it simply what's in your mind to say?

So go ahead, give Him your "all"

Because in the end it'll be his call

He knows you inside and out

He knows your every belief and doubt

Stand strong in faith

And He will keep you safe

From the world He created

The world I have defeated

reading

2007-07-06T00:28:00.000-05:00

so, i've started reading the old testament...because i feel like i know the new testament, lol.

anyway, tonight i read ruth
which is like stinkin awesome, because ruth is David's grand-mother....which makes her like Jesus' great great great great great great most totally awesome great great great great......great....grandmother. her story is so cool though.

you would have to read it to find out the whole story, but one part of it is so cool to me
when you think of mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws today you think of wwf smackdown.
with ruth and naomi it wasn't like that. when naomi moved back home after her two sons died, she told ruth and her other daughter-in-law to go back home to their own families. well, the other one did, but ruth was like nope, where ever you go i go, your God will be my God and your people will be my people. she had so much respect for this woman. and in doing so she met the man that would marry her-boaz. it's just so awesome to me, because what would of happened if she would of went home and never met boaz? would there be a david? would their be different books in the bible than there are now? it's just cool to me-because the what if's of life have always amazed me. like, i know that if i had never gone to church with shae that one night i would never be who i am today and wouldn't have the most awesome friends in the world. idk...i guess i'm kinda rambling...it just makes you realize that God does work in mysterious ways, and the decisions you make aren't just yours, but His too...

2007-06-18T01:50:00.000-05:00

for pictures from saturday night
click

vv
>> here <<
^^

irks my nerves

2007-06-18T01:39:00.000-05:00

abortion

what gives any man the right to play God? some only find abortion right because they see this being as not having a soul-almost as if the baby isn't "alive" in their eyes until it is born. lets think about this, if the baby isn't alive before it's born that would mean that you have a piece of human flesh growing inside of a body with almost fully formed parts that look like yours, move like yours, and feel like yours. does that make you dead or alive? what is the definition of a soul? www.dictionary.com says a soul is:

the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

so if you believe you have a soul you better believe that an aborted baby had one too!!

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."

Psalm 13913-16 "For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works; and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skilfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they are written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them"

that is God's power. He has your days known before you even live them! He knows you before you are born...and people are still willing to murder this precious fruit of God...

Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward"

Jesus even says in Matthew 19:14 "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Jesus loves the little children, but not murderers
so guys remember that when you can't fight the urge to keep in in your pants
and girls remember this when you are "in love" and make stupid choices
abortion may make things at the time easier-but an eternity in hell won't be fun

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

yeah, i posted this on myspace too
and i don't care that it's harsh
it's true

~Misty

wow, what a day :)

2007-06-16T23:53:00.000-05:00

today was so much fun
i got up early
**it didn't make me happy**
but the fact that i got to hang out with some of the coolest Christians ever
**made me happy**
we painted at the d-ville dream center
bringin some love to d-ville
ya herrrrrd?
ok, so that was so stupid...but oh well

praying at the dream center after we were done was really cool
just realizing that it was a school gym
and now it is an awesome place to worship
to reach out to that hurting world
so yeah it...
**made me happy**

so after about an hour of begging
tori finally got me to agree to go eat sushi
i love sushi
i'm just broke
she promised to help me out and i drug my brother along
it was fun
everyone attending this event would be:
Emily Woo
Jordan Michael
Tori
Landy Dandy
Ariel
Ariel's friend Josh
and Me
after watching ariel try sushi
we needed more fun
sooooo
jordan put wasabi in emily's drink
and here is where everything gets just stinkin funny

i happen to keep a vandalism kit in my car...
like saran wrap
and toilet paper
wellll
jordan parked his car at target and he drove my car to sushi and back to pick his up
and on the way back emily and i came up with a plan
and tori was an "innocent bystander"
who helped keep jordan oblivious to the plan
which played out like this:

we pulled up at target and we all had to go potty
so we told landon and jordan we would come find them over by the games and stuff
they went one way and we went the other
well, we sent tori to the guys and told her to tell them we were looking at purses or make up or something
while we were really outside in the parking lot saran wrapping jordan's car
:)
**made me happy**
tori called me going "where in the store are y'all, they're about to close"
which just made me laugh harder
so we got back in my car and drove back to a parking spot
and as soon as we got out i saw tori, landon, and jordan walking out of the store
i just busted out laughing and jordan was no longer oblivious
i drove him to his car and we were all laughing so hard
and he like climbed in through the window
it was the greatest thing ever to watch him crack the door a little bit just so he could reach the ignition so he could roll down the window-we will have pictures of this online soon
:)
then jordan took my pink play-dough and a toy snake i keep in my back window
to keep cats from getting on my car
and the funniest thing was jordan tied the snake to the saran wrap
and said:
"you just better hope mr. snakey makes it through the ride"
we were laughing so hard at him we couldn't breathe
then he decides he's going to drive down the interstate with the saran wrap on his car
and when we got off the interstate and watched the faces of the innocent passer-by's
we saw this old man
giving jordan's car the best, most confused look i've ever seen
and at the light by perkins on highland ang. mousso pulled up next to jordan and was like
"what happened to you?"
keep in mind the entire time we are laughing so hard we can't breathe
it was so great

in the end we stopped at starbucks on highland
and jordan took the saran wrap off of his car
which is now in my back window of my car

it was a great day
...it...
**made me happy**

~Misty

i was thinking-i know amazing right?

2007-06-13T23:48:00.000-05:00

so, i'm reading the slammin Word
and i just kinda found this
and it made me think
it's Jeremiah 9:23-26
and thus says...in the NKJV-haha:

Thus says the lord:

"Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let no the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,
That I am the LORD, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.
For these things I delight." says the LORD.

"Behold, the days are coming," says the LORD, "that I will punish all who are circumcised with the uncircumcised-Egypt, Judah, Edom, and the people of Ammon, Moab, and all who are in the farthest corners, who dwell in the wilderness. For all these nations are uncircumcised, and all the house of Israel are uncircumcised in the heart."

this starts out letting you know that God wants you to glory in him-not the world you live in and not the things you have or the job you have or the power you have-but the world he made, the love He gives and the mercy He shows. it's one of those points that makes you realize that he really is everything. like Matthew 6:19-21 says-in my summed up version-is not to put your glory in this world where "moth and rust destroy" but put it in heaven-where nothing can get to it. and what's really awesome about this is verse 21 says: "for where your treasure is there your heart will be also." that just speaks to me-and i don't know if i've said it on here before-but i know i've said it before- is that this life is a test-not only the little things God gives you, but also just the life in general. are you going to praise Him with all that you have, or are you going to let what you have shine more in your life than you are Him? remember, He is the one who put us here and gave us the ability to have what we have, the least we can do is put him first.

then, the second part of this verse, about the judging of the circumcised with the uncircumcised, means a lot to me too. it is showing not only that we are all going to be judged the same way, that God doesn't favor anyone-everyone is going to have the same "checklist" when they are being judged, the people who were circumcised will not have a say before the uncircumcised-and i see it as black will not have say before white, white will not have a say before indian, iranian will not have a say before an asian-just showing that no matter what the difference is in where you are from He will judge us all the same. like it says, about being "uncircumcised in your heart," it's saying are you glorying him in your heart? just because you glory him on the outside doesn't mean you are really glorying him on the inside.

this goes with what tweezy said during worship tonight. is it hype or just emotion during worship at church? it's what's in your heart. if what you do on the outside doesn't match how you are in the inside it's not going to get you brownie points. i don't know, i might just be rambling, but it's just kinda food for thought...

>4 with <3
~Misty

ok

2007-06-12T02:49:00.001-05:00

so i'm sitting in my bed
looking through different sites down the side of tori's blog
and ended up on the children's cup home page
i started to read through the stories of the kids in africa
and it just astounded me
i know there are kids less fortunate
but to think of how these particular ones live
it is just heart-braking
i know that i have a call on my life
and even though sometimes i want to avoid it
i'm not going to
i want to be a part of changing lives
not sitting in a cushy chair in an office
or listening to rich peoples problems
but handing out food to children who weigh less than i did at the age of 5 at the age of 10
teaching kids who never got that kind of attention
just helping in any way i can
i'm sick of being the way our culture has made me
it's time to go into a survival of the fittest environment
and watch God completely ruin me
i'm so excited just thinking about it
~Misty~

haha-i just opened my Bible to a random place because i wanted to use a quote
and it just so happens that the page i opened it to had something that everyone probably knows
and kinda has something to do with everything
but regardless...

Matthew 5:3-10

³ "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

⁵ Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.

¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

sun=painful

2007-06-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

sooo, i got the bright idea to go tubing with my friends mimi and wayne over the weekend

and i'm going to tell you a really interesting story-kind of a lesson...

we got to the tubing place and they checked the ice chest-which only had bottled water, green tea, jones' soda, and lunchables in it

we paid

got on the little bus thinggy that takes us to the start point

and got in our little tube thinggys

and we start floating

all is wonderful

we are relaxing floating down the river

nice pretty day

the SUN is out

not a cloud in the sky

and then mimi looked at me and asked if i had the sun block...

me and wayne looked at each other

then at mimi

and i just though oh crud

i left the sun block in the car

what really stinks is that i am/was really pale milky white

and when you float down a river for 4 hours

with no sun block

you get sun burnt

and i think i'm the worst one out of us three

i'm swolen and in pain

it was fun

but now...

i don't think i'm ever going back

because i'm terrified of ever getting this sunburnt again

it really hurts

all i could do last night was cry because it was sooo bad

so, now it's sunday night- a full day since i got burnt, and it still hurts to move

expically walk

because the top of my feet are burnt-including my toes

so the moral of the story is:

never go tubing down a river for 4 hours and forget the sun block

~Misty~

Drugs...

2007-05-31T03:30:00.000-05:00

aren't cool
or "make you a better person"
it's straight up stupid
killing your body one pill, puff, snort, sip or shot at a time
but we are the ones who are missing out
who like to keep our bodies from decomposing from the inside out
we are stuck up for not "just trying it once"
if that makes me a loser
i'll be a loser
but remember
the only thing your winning is regret
because one day
you will find out your liver is failing
or your lungs are covered in cancer
or you die because of a stroke from taking a little too much
of your "under control" usage
but this makes you cool
makes you happy
and more relaxed
is an hour of an high worth a life of problems
or your life all together?

think about it
much love
>4 with <3
~Misty~

wow

2007-05-24T00:45:00.000-05:00

tonight at refuge was awesome
good ol chad daniel was preaching and he always blows my mind

there was no message
there never is with him
haha
but still, he said a lot of things that just hit me
but, i'm going to start from the beginning...
God created the heavens and the earth....
wait, that was a little too far

ok, worship=awesome

i started out praying during worship that i put down my guard and learn to trust God like never before. a few post's back i was kinda talking about doubt and trust issues, so that's what i prayed for. that prayer at the beginning of worship stayed with me the rest of the night-i was just kinda lost in worship for a while. it was like something was keeping me focused-which is my problem. i always get kinda bored when i do one thing too long-but for once i didn't have an ADD moment. it just made the worship so much more intense. when chad got up to start his message/stories/whatever else he said it was just awesome. he started out kinda iffy, but at the end he was talking about things holding you back from going after God with your all-which is something i've heard a message on before at the youth rally a while back, but this time was different. what i feel is holding me back is my parents...but it's not. i use that as an excuse, but i never really prayed about it. i need to just get over that-because whether i like what they say or not it's just words. they aren't physically holding me back from anything, and i should actually be thankful for that. i look at everything as poor me b /c my parents are weird about me going to refuge and closer, but actually there are people who have parents that don't tell them about the magnificence of God-their parent's don't understand it. that person goes through life without knowing what life is really about and what their true calling is. i'm so selfish compared to those people-and i definitely need to pray more about that. anyway-back to putting it all into God during worship....

i went up when he asked if anyone needed to be prayed for and as soon as i shut my eyes and began to pray i just cried and i couldn't stop. they just poured and it wasn't until i started just telling God that i loved him more than anything that they began to stop and i started just getting overly happy-i don't know, it was just crazy.

i'm so excited because this is just the beginning of summer and i know that God is going to mold me and test me more than ever this summer and i'm so excited to see what limits he pushes me to and how different i come out on the other end. i have 2 months that i can devote totally to Him-who's with me?

oh, and i'm going to see pirates of the caribbean tomorrow
:)
woot woot

Remember...

2007-05-21T00:38:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Kaitlin Aydell
5/21/93-2/21/07

Today is supposed to be Kaitlin's 14 birthday. She would of just made it out of the seventh grade at French Settlement Junior High. She would be swimming and goofing off, or mud riding with her best friend Shayla. She would be acting like a normal girl during the summer time. Not a care in the world, nothing to hold her back. But, she was taken from us. Just the thought of it is unfathomable to me, but it happened. I was at the funeral. I saw the faces. I saw the tears. I heard the nice words said about her. But it's never enough to help anyone who really knew her. I never did, I wasn't that lucky.
I never took the time to cry. Not at the wake, or the funeral, or even at school in the classrooms full of people talking about it. No, it hits me now. I feel so guilty because I'm 17 with a life ahead of me-she would of been 14 today. She never got to have a homecoming or a prom. She never got to have a sweet 16 or a license. She didn't even get to see High School.
I just pray that she's in heaven now, sharing a piece of birthday cake with Jesus, watching us-not understanding why we are crying.

blahness

2007-05-06T01:37:00.000-05:00

tonight, although it took a while to click, i learned something at late night....

on my way home i learned that i had heard the words that will make any 17 year old female high school student go completely nuts **me for example**

Selfishness....

i officially hate that word...because up until tonight i had used it against so many people, except for myself. i started thinking, and the more i thought the sadder i got, but i needed to talk to someone, anyone, not necessarily to talk back to me, but to just sit on the other end of the phone and let it all register and chime in when they knew it was safe or smart....so i called shae. always the best to talk to, especially when you have a problem, you just don't know what it is yet. so i rambled and rambled and rambled, and i think i have come to a conclusion, that comes with a bit of a confession and ends with a question.

every time i pray i come to a point where i just think, and my mind and my heart are almost fighting over whether God is real, or God is a made up story. of course i know what is right, but my mind contradicts everything. it's the worst feeling i've ever felt, but i can't get that thought out of my mind. i've tried praying harder, i've tried reading my bible, and i've tried just ignoring it. well, nothings changed.

i've always looked at things as this needs to go this way for me, but if it goes bad for them, oops, oh well. i always knew that was wrong, and something in the back of my head would tell me so, but i always found a way to ignore that. i can sit in front of someone and tear them apart with words, completely making them look like dirt, just to make myself feel better, and even though my mind tells me otherwise, i just ignore it and keep on with my completely devastating verbal rampage on everyone within an ears reach of me. i've had people tell me one time to watch what i say to other people, even people they didn't like, because whether i realized it or not i was hurting them, and that what i was doing wasn't right....and i just ignored them too.

this entire thing all boils down to this question:

how is it so easy to ignore those thoughts telling me that i'm wrong, but so hard to ignore the voice telling me that the God i serve is wrong?

please help

~Misty

friday....

2007-04-22T23:43:00.000-05:00

i've had a lot on my mind since friday night...see, that was the night of the youth rally at my school. it was an experience that just opened up my eyes to so much. i've been contemplating blogging it because i didn't know if it was something i could share, if it was something i just wanted to keep to myself, but here i am, ready to write.

so, i get to the gym, help jordan sell shirts, talk to people, thinking this is going to be a good night, but not expecting anything. all i was hoping for was a good turn out people wise because that's what i had been praying for all day, just for that night to be a success. well, we sit down, and the night starts out with a crazy drama and a game of chubby bunny (where you start with either one or two jumbo marshmellows in your mouth and you say chubby bunny, after you have to put one more, and so on and so on and whoever doesn't throw up or you can still hear them say chubby bunny wins). then we go into worship-and i got all into my element. then, they had to play a song that i took so much to heart that it was what led me through the rest of the night. the lyrics were this simple:

You are the source of life

I can't be left behind

No one else will do

I will take hold of You



I need You, Jesus

To come to my rescue

Where else can I go

There's no other name by which I am saved

Capture me with grace



My heart is Your's for life

I need Your hand in mine

No one else will do

I put my trust in You

that just spoke out to me. for the last few months i've been asking God where he was, and why my life hadn't been going so great, why my brother chose the life he did, why my parents act the way the do, my issues with my friends, just life. when i started to listen to this song i started to realize that God rescued me before i needed to be saved. if i hadn't of found God in october, i'd of never been ready for the slight dive my life had taken. he is so awesome!
anyway, i worship in awe for until the main worship was over, and i went back to the bleachers for the message of the night-once again, a slap in the face.

the first words out of jeremy's mouth were "what's holding you back from giving your all to God?"
wow, another question i had been asking both God and myself...i see a pattern...
anyway; he went into the story of the paralyzed man on a mat who got his friends to lower him into see Jesus from the roof of a building-crazy, i know
then the message was broken by a drama-an absolutely amazing drama. it gave different situations that would hold people back from God. the first being the abused child whose parent's hated them; second was a "addict" of any kind; third was the "holy roller" on wednesday and sunday, but the rest of the time they were themselves; the fourth was the pregnant teenager whose "love of her live" left her alone with a kid; the fifth being the kid that was once popular when they were good for something, but after getting an injury their friends don't want to be around them anymore; and the sixth was the one that felt that they had nothing to live for, so they would take their life into their own hands....
then run by kutless came on, and the lyrics (gosh, i'm a sucker for lyrics) explain it all:

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know i 
just, just want to be with you 

Looking down from above as you watch TV 
Wondering why, oh you're ignoring me 
Do you remember, remember when i came to you 
And you love me 
And i'm waiting for you 
And i'm waiting for you 

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know i 
just, just wanna be with you, to be with you 
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know 
I just, just wanna be with you, to be with you... 

Whatever happened to the love, the love you had for me 
When you first came to me 
Don't you know that i died, died so i could be with you 
forever 
And i'm waiting for you 
And i'm waiting for you 

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know i 
just, just wanna be with you, to be with you 
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know 
I just, just wanna be with you, to be with you... 

Find a place of solitude, and i'll speak to you 
As you pray to me 
Don't you know i'm waiting here, waiting for you to 
read and hear word 
I'm waiting here missing the time the times we shared 
oh, please come to me 

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know i 
just, just wanna be with you, to be with you 
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know 
I just, just wanna be with you, to be with you...

at the end of the drama jeremy finished his message, followed by an alter call. the first call was for anyone who wanted to be saved, the second one was for anyone who just felt like they weren't giving God their all, something was keeping them from him....
**this is where i raised my hand**
i finally realized that i'm passionate for God, but i've always held back because i honestly didn't know what to believe. in one ear is someone telling me that you can feel him, you can hear him, you can speak to him. the other ear was the opposite, telling me that that just doesn't happen anymore. i finally realized that it doesn't matter who is on the other end of those words, what matters is that i've been changed. what matters is that without being brought to HPC i would of never of made it through the last few months. i was so close to the sixth kid, the one with no hope left. if i had never found refuge and the awesome friends i have there i don't think i would be alive to write this right now.
so, after i go up to the alter a girl i'd only met once, about 2 hours before, prayed over me and started to speak in tongues and just tell me how much God needed me and how much he wanted me to be a witness to my family and friends; how he knew i was strong and needed me to stay strong for him. i'd started crying like i never had before, like a burden was lifted. i finally found out that He loved me. He cared about what i was going through and that He wasn't leaving me alone. it is almost as if these were thing i already knew, i just finally heard the words that made me realize that this isn't a game, this is real, He is real, and this is what i want to live for for the rest of my life.

God is Awesome!

Slightly Displaced

2007-04-21T23:57:00.001-05:00

ok homies
i was sooo pumped for Displace Me
but....
I GOT A STUPID JOB
errrr
it makes me so mad
but!
the good news is that just because i got a job, it doesn't mean that you can't attend
yes, i know, it will be so hard to do without me there
but don't worry
you have my permission...
ok, i'm totally joking.
but still check it out
it is an awesome awareness demonstration taking place in the magnificent new orleans
you will go
sleep outside
with a bottle of water and a pack of cracka's
(and no, that's isn't a group of white people)
crazy right?
haha, you don't know the half of it
God's going to change hearts of the government in Uganda that night
i know it
so go, check it out....

oh, one more thing
if you have never herd of the Invisible Children
they are showing a video at the annex
friday, april 27 @ 7pm
don't be late!!
and once again
my job is preventing me from attending
i know, i know, i need a new job
even though this is a new job
kinda
but that's another blog, another day

much love
>4 with <3

the hurting world >4

2007-04-17T01:54:00.001-05:00

Homeless

The "Hurting" America

How many people do you know from our side of the fence that are willing to chill with a bunch of homeless guys when they could be at home in air conditioner or heater **depending the season** stressing out over how their myspace page is tricked out?

I mean, look at some of these pictures:

These people are hurting...

....doing nothing more than looking for something better....

....better than the lowest you can go...

....but still praying for the ungrateful world that has forgotten them...

How is it you can look at things like this and still brag about what you have? Why is it so much easier to look at your happiness instead of their hurt? So many people in this world need help. So many are calling out for an answer, for help, and you just may be able to.

This is Tweezy and Mark.

The bed in this picture is the first bed Mark has slept in in 6 years!!

How awesome is that?

All they want are prayers. More is awesome, but prayers could change the world. Just more people praying, caring about their fellow man, forgetting the things of this world.

Matthew 6:19-21:

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for your selves treasures in heave3n, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Put your heart into faith, and your mind into prayer, just for a few moments, think about that verse, and just ask God to help the homeless who are hurting...who are hungry...who are lonely...who have lost everything...who need love...who are just as much human as the next person...

...who are just as important as HIM...

>4 with <3

Love you guys... ~Misty~

just check out tweezy's post...it's awesome :D

Touched

2007-04-16T22:21:00.000-05:00
i'm so ahhh right now!! i just read tweezy's blog. it's one of those that makes you want to get up and go hug a homeless person. i wanted to cry, because it really makes you realize that that is what it's all about. you are saved, so save the lost. it's crazy, even if it was only three guys, it's awesome. honestly, go to school or work and bring God into three people's lives...almost impossible. people on the street with noting to their name, one who lost his wife and two son's, another who hadn't slept in a bed in 6 years...it's just wow. not that other people need the Jesus factor any less, but these guys were hurting, and God even touched the people that other's look down on. what about being homeless makes you any less of a person? IT DOESN'T!! i know people who look at the homeless and say they probably deserved it. why would anyone who loses their son's and wife deserve to be homeless? i know, that's only one guy, but who knows how many more are in the same situation or worse than this guy?? i just can't get over it: people who you would think could care less about life, they are at the "bottom" of society, got saved and their lives began to change...just...wow!

surgery :)

2007-04-11T22:43:00.000-05:00
wow, i never thought i could possibly be this happy after having my tummy cut open. but, before you can be happy, you need to know the WHOLE story...and it's quite depressing at some points...

a year ago in february i was told that i would never be able to have kids. it was blowing news...especially since i was told this because i was "born without reproductive organs." which means, if the baby carriage isn't there then no baby. i accepted it, kind'a. i told myself that God had another plan for my life. i don't know if i believed myself or not, and i did go into a "depression" and found out the hard way i was happier off of the depression medication my doctor put me on. i was always upset, and i have teachers and friends that will tell you that i would bust out crying out of nowhere because i would just think about what was going on. it was just a hard year, and i eventually just told myself that i either had to live with it or i'll never be able to really live my life, so i learned to deal. well, after being put on estrogen and missing a pill and finding out the goody stuff that happens then i knew that i had more than what my doctor told me i did. well, it was back to the doctor. she "examined my woman-hood" and found out i might have a small uterus. so, we scheduled surgery-i was not excited. i thought this surgery would just confirm what i already knew, and possibly make me more miserable than i already was. i started praying every day for the doctors to be successful and for the best results to come, and when i was asking God for the "best" results, i meant no cancer. he took it up a notch for me. it may not be absolutely awesome results, but it is better than i could ever imagine.

when i woke up from surgery my doctor was standing over me with a big smile on her face. she told me i did good and that my shoulder would be in pain later (i don't know what that has to do with anything, but she wasn't kidding) the nurses wheeled my back into my room and i was still really out of it, and for a little bit of TMI all i wanted to do was go pee. well, after the nurse allowed me to relieve myself she went and got my parents. they walked into the room with big smiles on their faces, and i hadn't caught on yet. i asked what they found and mom told me the good news. i have half a uterus and one healthy ovary, that they had to remove a cyst from but other than that it was fine. the other ovary is small and looked a little "flat". my doctor says she doesn't think that one is going to be able to produce any eggs whatsoever. as audrey says, my ovaries are like nemo's fins....they are a little challenged. the best part of the news was that i can have kids. my first pregnancy will be only 37 weeks, a normal pregnancy being 40. this is because my uterus is so small it will have to be stretched out during my first pregnancy. anyway, when i found out, still being in my woozyness i didn't know what to do or say. i picked up my cellphone and texed tori. i told her to call mrs. paula and tell her too, because i was so happy. i don't know why, but they were the first two people i thought of to tell, outside of the list of people my parents already told, being my second mother mrs. patience, and my friends that were at the hospital with me, heather and mimi. i think it is so awesome the way God works. He carried me through everything that i went through in the last year, and He is still working in my heart. it is so awesome. i am so excited to see what else He does for me.

another high note of my holiday is ashley and jami. they had a youth conference and are now so on fire for their maker it is unreal. check out their blogs on their myspaces by clicking on their names.

Prom

2007-04-02T00:37:00.000-05:00

Prom was fun for the most part, just don't bring up the drama.

I got to eat sushi for the first time, and it was awesome!

Jason was a gentleman and that was really cool
even though I probably should of told him about my touch phobia
and my absolute hate of dancing
**except for goofing of with girl friends**
before hand.

See the touch phobia is alright
when I touch someone else
or its here or there-like hugs or whatever
or for pictures
but just to do it
around the waist or shoulders
it makes me cringe
which made last night interesting

Other than those few moments and the mass amount of drama
The night was a blast

the most awesomest dress ever made!!

2007-03-29T22:20:00.000-05:00

yes, this dress is really awesome....makes you jealous hunh?

What is the Narrow Way?

2007-03-26T21:49:00.001-05:00

What is the Narrow Way?

What is the narrow way?
Where does it lead?
Where does it take me?
Where will I be?

Who will be there?
Am I the first to arrive?
Will any even show?
Or have they all perished below?

How much fuel will I need?
What kind of drive does it take?
Will there be trees and scenery?
Or will it be dark and dreary?

Should I stop to bring new light?
Should I keep going and only remember the sorrow?
What do I do to praise you Lord?
Because through my life you are adored!

The way will not be pretty,
And the task will not be easy.
YOU are the way, truth, and light.
Please guide me in faith and not in sight.

God, grant me strength.
God, grant me courage.
Bring me Closer to your word,
As I beg salvation for all who have herd.

Let me travel through your gate,
And go on in your Spirit.
Let us please you every day
As we travel on our way.

~Misty Farmer 3/25/07

Matthew 7:13&14 says "Enter by the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it" NKJV

This verse is like speaking to me so much lately. There is so much to learn in such a short passage. We all live this life, and we've all learned that the straight and narrow isn't the easiest road to follow when you are in high school and college. There are so many things pulling you so many different ways. I see this verse as showing you an insight to your conscience in a way. The easy way to live in the world is that broad path. It's hard to live on the narrow one. It's like me playing a race car game. You give me plenty of room I'm all over the place and having a good old time...but put me on this little narrow straight away; I bounce back and fourth from wall to wall and end up blowing up my car by the end of the round. What I love about those games is that they give you this nifty retry button that lets you drive the round again. See, that straight and narrow isn't something that can just be done. It takes practice and discipline. The life we choose to live by following God isn't going to be easy. It will probably be the hardest to live. Sure, if I play that video game long enough I'm going to get good at the narrow part, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect at it. Sometimes you might get distracted and look away from what's going on in front of you and run into the wall and blow up again, but God allows us to retry. He loves us enough to allow us to redeem ourselves from wrongs we've done in our life. The devil doesn't, he wants us to fail, he hopes that we fail. He is probably pushing us into that wall most of the time anyway. It's our job to make him get behind us, not in front or beside us. The only thing you need in front and on either sides of you are God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. They become your bumpers. Satin is just trying to push you, but with the trinity surrounding you it will be impossible for you to hit an all time low and have to ask for a retry. It's so much easer to follow this road when you have God than to go onto this road looking for Him. There will be so many things trying to grab your attention, push you the wrong way, pull you back, and make you ask God for a retry. Some people just quit the game. I know people who have quit the game. One of my best friends from the 5th grade is an Atheist. Do God or I love him any different? Never, but does that get him into heaven? No, and it kills me every day to know that. He's slowly traveling down that really wide road with pretty trees, cool music, awesome cars, drugs, alcohol, sex, violence...where does it end? In hell? When it's too late? When there is no more retry button? When there is no chance to realize that it is all real or it really is important to follow? You can't just say "oops!". There is no more "oops!". There is only "ouch!" in hell.

:D

2007-03-22T23:04:00.000-05:00
Wow! I just told my mom about what I want to do with my future. I decided that instead of college I'd rather go to Elevate and make my passion into my career. Makes since, right? Well, I really want to serve in womens ministry, youth ministry, and missions-especially in Europe. Probably needless to say, but mom didn't take it well at all. She doesn't want me to leave for long periods of time, and she really doesn't want me to make ministry my career. She didn't directly say it, but the look on her face was so obvious. I've always talked about going in to psychiatry, just because I wanted to help people. Now, since I've started going to Healing Place, I've finally realized that there are so many other ways to help people. I can serve food to the poor or homeless, witness to everyone, change lives...just crazy stuff I never thought I would have an opportunity to do. It's amazing to me! The parents still don't get it. They probably never will. It's really going to tear me up to do it without them behind me, but I know that I have another family that God has wonderfully blessed me with. **AkA: Closer and Refuge** I know that it will never be the same to me as my real family's blessing, but if it's all I can get I am thankful for it. Mom even tried to pull the "how much does this place cost" thing. I just laughed and told her that it would probably be less than a normal college tuition. My family's always had big dreams for me, but I've always marched to the beat of a different drum from my family. I'm not scared to face the world, and my dad doesn't understand how I can talk to people that I don't know. It's so hard to explain, but it's just awesome to me. I've always loved to be different, and Elevate can help me to show my family how much HPC has changed my life for the better. I know that probably doesn't make since, but you'd probably have to know my family to understand that. They are all conservative and keep to themselves. I herd Chris Cain give this big explanation once about the type of Christian that goes out into the world from behind this big brick wall they call church, talk to one person**in the demonstration she is "witnessing" so fast you can barely understand what she is saying**, inviting them to church one Sunday, running back inside, and giving them self a pat on the back for that one person. That is the way my family's church is. The feel almost as if their point in life is to live, work, and die. They have nothing else to live for. I feel like Elevate tears me apart from this pattern in my family. I will be able to make a difference and stand out. That's what I want more than anything! It's going to be so awesome, but I've gotta know that people have my back. I know if my mom gives me a funny look, then my dad's is going to be a loud exhale and a roll of the eyes and a "whatever". I don't even have to ask, I can just feel it. It's the beginning of a long year for me, because at this time next year I'm going to be getting all my money in order for Elevate and summer camp. Life is about to get crazy...and I couldn't be more excited :D

2007-03-18T13:55:00.000-05:00
I have an issue! My preacher at church, not HPC, but The New Testament Church of Christ, where I am literally forced to go, said something today about speaking in tongues. He said it is noting more than people who babble words and work themselves into a frenzy and think they have caught the Holy Ghost. I have an major problem with this. NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that the Holy Ghost no longer touches people and brings them to speak in tongues during prayer. My family's church says that it was used to prove to the people that God exists, but only the apostles could to it, and that apostles were the people who Jesus appointed and saw him face to face. If that was true, then how in Acts does it tell you that anyone who repents can receive the gift of the Holy Spirit? The preacher made good points on why to pray, how to pray, and somewhat on what to pray for. But when he said something about speaking in tongues all being fake and nothing but our own mind it seriously bothered me. I've never done it, but I know people that tell me about their experiences. How can that many people experience it and it not be real? How can people be drunk in the Holy Spirit and not know what they are doing for hours at a time if it is all made up in our own mind? I'm sorry, humans come up with some good mental fakes, but that's not one that you can just fake and move on.

It just agitates me that my family's church is like that. And I've tried talking to them, pointing out things to them, and I get the "I'm to young to understand" or "I'm over analyzing" or "I the adult, I'm right" speeches. It doesn't make sense to me, and they don't do anything but confuse me more. Every simple question I ask them turns into an argument, and I always just give up because after an hour of trying not to be disrespectful, you start to want to, and I just give up before I actually say something mean to them. I just hate being told I'm wrong, and that I'm too young to know anything. How do they know what's in my heart or in my mind? That's the only reason I'm not baptized. I know I'll get in trouble from my "religious" family if I do outside of their church. I would love nothing more than to be baptized by Dr. Tweeze at HPC, but I know that isn't going to happen anytime soon. It's so difficult to get through to them, and if anyone has any ideas please share. I could use all the help I can get.

Wow...Refuge!!

2007-03-15T00:10:00.000-05:00

Tonight was just amazing. "Uncle" Chad's message was short, but just touched me. He delivered a powerful message about life changing experiences through God. It's amazing, but I finally realized that I need to quit living my life by what I see, but let God come into my heart, instead of me only surrendering my heart to him. What's the point of telling him I'm surrendering it to him if I'm not letting Him come in? It's like the "for rent" sign Uncle Chad was talking about tonight. I am exchanging my "for rent" sign for a "for sale" sign, and one day it will be a "sold" sign. The devil will be so mad he didn't get in, but he didn't make the down payment of dying on a cross because he loved me. Instead, he just made it easier for Jesus to show his love. His plan was to ruin the Son, but the Son's plan was so much stronger than the devil could ever be. One story Uncle Chad shared with us was him casting out a demon during a mission trip. To cast out this demon from this lady he made it put it's hand on the bible. He held it there, and spoke the name Jesus to it, and this demon begged for him not to say that name, and when Uncle Chad asked him why all he could tell him is that it was because Jesus Is God, and the demon was cast out. Just think of the power in the name of Jesus Christ. That demon couldn't even stand up to the word of God, but the word of God could trample it! That is pure authority. God's worst enemy is afraid to speak his name! There is no hate so great, and it is a hate of love. Could you imagine? Hating love? Love, it's known as one of the greatest feelings anyone can experience, there is even a long description of love in I Corinthians 13. At one point it even says that "love never fails." Love never fails, but hate does. Hate can be broken through. Hate can just tear you up inside. But love, love never fails you, love cannot be touched, and love can mend you inner wounds caused by the devil working in the world. Love conquers hate, as does God over the devil!